Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
