talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
