Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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