Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
