why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
