I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
