i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize