i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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