Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The best revenge is premature balding
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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