Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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