Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
