Just fell off a train. Bad.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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