that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Two words: blizzard sex
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
