In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize