I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
