So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
