8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
