a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
