Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
