What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
