She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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