Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize