It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
