I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
