My Higher Power is John Stamos
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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