Already got asked if we're dating
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
