yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
