my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
