You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
