South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
