my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
