i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
