Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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