How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
