Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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