i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
