I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
