ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
