Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
