I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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