how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
