I can tuck mytits in my pants
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize