Tell her she can't have a vagina
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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