Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
