what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
