Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
