So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
