Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
