What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the day after is always just damage control
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
