having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
