I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize