dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize