i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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