Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
