i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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