Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
