I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
