If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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