Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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