Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
