Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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