Don't make out with my wife yet
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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