I wish you could order shots online.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she told me i tasted like america
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
