Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
