I am puke
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
