Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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