I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
