You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
