his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
