I think I have vodka in my lungs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
