mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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