Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
