I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
