My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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