im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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