So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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