when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
