Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
