I think my fart just growled at me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
