I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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