I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
As shirtless as possible
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i think i just lost a toe
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
