he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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